i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
