I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
