I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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