so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
