So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
