I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
