Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
