Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
