you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sponge bath it is.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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