Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
