You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
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