I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
