you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
