i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
