Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I've blown a few things in my day
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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