Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
