Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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