I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
