Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
