So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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