Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
