did you get engaged???
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
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I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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