i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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