Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize