at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
