Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
