Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
