He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
