I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
