i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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