this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
