Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
