my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
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I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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