Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
