The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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