Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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