so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
