So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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