yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
