why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
