On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
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West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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