There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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