This is not my ceiling
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
