Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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