yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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