Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
