6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
