is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Randomize
