my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
