don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
