fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
