his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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