i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dating After Heartbreak
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence