it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf