I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
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Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife