He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize