Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
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I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises