But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?