Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate