I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm having to shit out rocks
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
