Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
