I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
