So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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