sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
