i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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