you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
