i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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