Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
look no pants
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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