Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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