So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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