i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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