he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
ttyl tear gas
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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