so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
