If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it's great music for shaving your balls
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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