i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
