i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
