Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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