I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
