I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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