I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
