38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
