He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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