hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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