So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
