...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
