Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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