A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
