Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
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