Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He better not be in your backpack
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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