I am in a vortex of obligation.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
