Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
