billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
