I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
