I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.