yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'