but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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