i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
