Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

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  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (534) Good night (135314) Bad night (6364)
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  (949): View more from California

  i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.

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  (949): i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole. http://tfl.nu/wmi4
  Replies (37) Good night (654) Bad night (3145)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza

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  (513): you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza http://tfl.nu/lm16
  Replies (7) Good night (3595) Bad night (736)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.

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  (727): I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible. http://tfl.nu/n38l
  Replies (30) Good night (760) Bad night (6539)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  How did the beer even get there in the first place?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  That's not what's important right now

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  (734): Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina? (1-734): How did the beer even get there in the first place? (734): That's not what's important right now http://tfl.nu/17l2
  Replies (30) Good night (3103) Bad night (3967)
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  (562): View more from California

  I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.

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  (562): I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex. http://tfl.nu/ik0l
  Replies (15) Good night (5725) Bad night (1168)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."

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  (917): well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you." http://tfl.nu/h98x
  Replies (3) Good night (3161) Bad night (865)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.

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  (856): I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything. http://tfl.nu/b77d
  Replies (8) Good night (3916) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.

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  (847): The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume. http://tfl.nu/g5bo
  Replies (10) Good night (2129) Bad night (1055)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.

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  (705): He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment. http://tfl.nu/68lb
  Replies (7) Good night (2026) Bad night (882)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.

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  (206): What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world. http://tfl.nu/0k4m
  Replies (11) Good night (1434) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer

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  (239): Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer http://tfl.nu/egws
  Replies (5) Good night (1004) Bad night (724)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show

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  (404): Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show http://tfl.nu/4xxy
  Replies (3) Good night (585) Bad night (281)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just want nice things and good sex

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  (732): I just want nice things and good sex http://tfl.nu/04u5
  Replies (12) Good night (1249) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.

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  (870): I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad. http://tfl.nu/fd99
  Replies (0) Good night (268) Bad night (652)

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