Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is

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  (708): I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there (217): Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is http://tfl.nu/zrn8
  Replies (2) Good night (1368) Bad night (569)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night

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  (410): Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night http://tfl.nu/ayrv
  Replies (34) Good night (1306) Bad night (6279)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.

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  (807): I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina. http://tfl.nu/rpnu
  Replies (46) Good night (7525) Bad night (1198)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.

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  (614): She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up. http://tfl.nu/g4hi
  Replies (10) Good night (5839) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"

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  (902): You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear" http://tfl.nu/r2vo
  Replies (7) Good night (7118) Bad night (1189)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours

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  (240): last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours http://tfl.nu/1nv0
  Replies (15) Good night (13546) Bad night (1361)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.

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  (714): there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe. http://tfl.nu/faaw
  Replies (10) Good night (2580) Bad night (1147)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.

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  (512): Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today. http://tfl.nu/jvq8
  Replies (8) Good night (2029) Bad night (768)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall

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  (540): i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall http://tfl.nu/ora9
  Replies (6) Good night (3987) Bad night (1115)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.

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  (704): It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals. http://tfl.nu/tnox
  Replies (4) Good night (2183) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business

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  (+61): This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business http://tfl.nu/efay
  Replies (2) Good night (983) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...

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  (267): Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket... http://tfl.nu/72dv
  Replies (4) Good night (1023) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly

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  (760): Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly http://tfl.nu/j8y5
  Replies (3) Good night (985) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.

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  (647): All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti. http://tfl.nu/1eoo
  Replies (3) Good night (669) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS

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  (318): FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS http://tfl.nu/3z8m
  Replies (1) Good night (546) Bad night (226)

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