so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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