It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered